Julia at four

Julia is now 4 years old. The import of this milestone is not lost on her or, for that matter, anyone else in our household. Since the actual anniversary of the day of her birth, August 2nd, Julia has enacted many changes in the way our household is run. Four year olds, as we have been informed by the resident expert, get to pick out their own clothes EVERY day, use big people forks, cut with Mama's good pointy scissors, sharpen their own pencils, brush their teeth every single morning (three year olds can skip the morning, but never night time, doncha know), get an allowance, and can lord their age over their younger sister mercilessly. There are other perks and privileges, too, and there seems to be a rule somewhere outlining the fact that four year olds get to unveil these as they go. Four year olds update their parents on these additional perks and privileges at their whim and fancy. Or so we have gathered.

Mark and I are trying to run a scam whereby we persuade Julia that the rules go both ways. We have high hopes that four year olds are still gullible enough to believe that parents receive a "special packet of rules and regulations for four year olds" in the mail that must be strictly adhered to during this new era in life. Our official list (as we will describe it to our daughter) , issued by the official committee of people who know these things, states clearly that four year olds also always pick up after themselves, listen to and follow directions at all times, go to sleep with out fussing and whining, and eat all their veggies. I think there might be addendums to this list as well:).

For her birthday, Julia begged for a Barbie laptop computer but received a leap pad instead. I won't go into my issues with Barbie here and now because they really aren't that big a deal. Just let it suffice to say that aside from the usual feminist stuff that I hold near and dear to my heart, I really don't care too much one way or the other whether or not my girls ever play with Barbie. Truth be told, I did and while my body image is not the greatest, I hardly think I can pin all my complaints on Mattel. However, there are so many other great toys out there that I think we can live quite happily without Barbie's unrealistic form teetering around our playroom. On the other hand, we are total suckers for granting Julia's toy requests. She is just not an especially materialistic person and, aside from the Barbie computer, has only asked for 2 other toys in her life. Sooooo...off Mark went to get that Barbie Laptop. Lucky break for us, though, in that one version was too young for her and the other purported to be for grades 2-3. Since there was no way to actually test these things out, and no time to do further exploration (what with this being the night before Julia's birthday), we switched gears and went for the Leap pad. We presented the gift with some trepidation for her reaction but were totally relieved to see that she was delighted. Turns out the leap pad opens just like a laptop and that is all she needed! Here's the crazy thing...one of the books that comes with it focuses on US geography. First, Julia mis-heard us and believed she was working on math, not maps (as in: Mama, I'm gonna work on my math now) but eventually she got her terms right and started learning the states. Two days later she can name about 30 of them accurately! Granted, she has no concept of what a state is but I'll be darned if she can't identify and locate them for you. That's our girl:)

Oddly enough, or maybe not, these days have been a mix of bliss and tears. The happiness is easy to understand. The tears leave me wondering. I know birthdays are a big deal and good stress is still stress all the same, so that is probably part of it. I also know, though, that just as Julia came to us through the grace of God and all the karmic wonder of the world, there are other forces at work, too. Somewhere deep in Julia's psyche is the reality of the fact that she was left at the door of an orphanage about this time 4 years ago. I can't begin to fathom how much actual impact this has on her as we've not yet talked about how it was she came to live in the "big room with all the other girls," but we do believe an imprint was made on her tiny baby brain and heart that day she was left alone. And somewhere in this world, her birth mother must be thinking of her as she marks another birthday and the anniversary of their separation. If only we could let her know how eternally beholden we are to her for the gift of our wonderful and beloved daughter. How we would love to embrace her tell her of our deep and unending gratitude for the life she gave to Julia. How we would love to hold her hands and look into her eyes and let her know that Julia is safe, loved, happy, and healthy. And how we hope this knowledge might somehow ease the pain and emptiness she might be feeling this time of year.

So this is a time of joy for us as well as a time of contemplation.